why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
