You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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