Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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