I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
