I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
