You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
