If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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