May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
