so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Four minutes until I can fart!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
