About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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