I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
