Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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