john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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