see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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