Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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