I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
