morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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