woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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