I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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