Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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