just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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