don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
