No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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