So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
