Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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