he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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