i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
