you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
