Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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