Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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