your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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