I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
