The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
