In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
