i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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