the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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