so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The power of my boobs compel you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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