I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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