Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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