I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
