I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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