Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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