The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
