My room smells like vodka and shame
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
