so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
