I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
