I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
