we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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