Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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