I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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