i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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