One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
