Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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