I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
