I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
