Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
