oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
