is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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