I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
