The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
