Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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