If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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