dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
