He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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