Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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