I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
